dentist

appointment at 11am.

vivocity.

vivocity.

i can't believe it.

i just received notice that benjamin & claire will be getting married this septembre.
i just can't believe it.
the news was just overwhelming.
i soooo wanna go...

Allen PECK.

quatorze juillet

14 july - bastille day - france national holiday.

stoned.

i laid myself on the couch in my room and stared blanklessly infront - facing the lcd tv screen displaying my msn messenger.
recent events made my mind wondered off to the times i had with my friends.
for most of the evening, i remained stoned - unwanting to come back to reality.

indeed, i wholeheartedly miss my friends a lot.
i want so much to see them, greet them, hug them, kiss them, spend the time together with them, and tell them everything that happened ever since - especially with my best friend, fabien.
the idea that i will meet my best friend in about 11 months' time fills me with joy.
but 11 months is a still a very long time.

i feel sad, that i could not create a similar environment in singapore.
10 years+ and only one really good friend. have i not tried hard enough?
i have.i have tried many times until i am not only so exhausted but in pain as well.

11 yrs ago, when i first stepped into singapore - the constant negativity had affected me greatly.
year after year, it grew so strong that i could not handle it. the pain grew evermore. i had to turn my back against society and i became a loner.
it wasnt till on the 4th yr, i met someone whom is my good friend now, that singapore came a bit bearable - well, at least i had someone now.
i eventually learnt to clearly define myself from every singapore citizen - to safeguard myself.

on the line of friends. no one seems to understand me - it's not the same.
one should ask: who are your friends? and what make them ur friends?
if i could show it to u, u might understand but u'll never comprehend it until u experience it.

i made sure that i did not cross the line - for fear it would backfire and hurt me again.
i guess recent events proved that.
i tried hard, honestly - but failed.
i believe i was rash on my side, i'm not sure if i blundered.
but i feel like i want to go over. give a hug. and say sorry.

Allen PECK.

so indescribable.

i've been having an overwhelming sense of mirth that seems to be overflowing - it still does.

but thursday, it was blown out of proportion in a negative way.
i felt so like a fool on that afternoon.
the abhorrence disgusts me totally.
its so repugnant - that it wants out in me.

personally, i don't bear grudges. i just totally wipe the sore out of my life.

but yet, my exuberance outweights the blues.
it's so indescribable, the feeling - so conflicting, but jubilation triumphs.

Allen PECK.

i'm so ecstatic!!

i've been soo happy for the past 2 weeks.
two weeks! no one can believe how happy i am - it's like being in cloud 9 - that i just feel like singing...

i'm soo ecstatic (excited)!!!!!!
and i just can't hide it!!
i'm about to lose control and i think i like it!!!
...

Allen PECK.